Enigma
by Norh
Summary: After an unfortunate tragedy, Kenny inquires about his existence.


**Title:** Enigma  
**Type:** One-Shot  
**Pairing:** Craig/Kenny  
**Rating:** pg-13  
**Summary:** After an unfortunate tragedy, Kenny inquires about his existence.

* * *

_It's dark, and he tries to squint his moist, crimson covered eyes to see, but everything around him is coated in a thick layer of blackness - save for a hazy glow of light almost resembling a dense flashlight._

_And he can hear screams, and he thought he heard someone call out his name. Is that… Craig? He can't really tell, his ears are filled with something wet, stifling his sense of hearing. Is Craig… in pain? Is he okay…?_

_A sudden wave a panic spills over him. He tries to move his right arm but a bolt of pain shoots straight through it, horrifying his body into paralysis and making him scream - or, at least, makes him try to scream. All that really comes out is a wet gurgle followed by a familiar coppery taste. A disgusting taste that he was all but accustomed to by now._

_The sound of the screams stop and fall into low rumbles of heavy, raspy breathing. He manages to open his eyes a bit further, but just barely enough to see and he winces at the blood stinging his eyes. The soft stream of light had grown even thinner and duller by now. He migrated his gaze to the object beside the light and saw something that would haunt his dreams forever. _

_His best friend, laying… dying next to the serene light. His body was covered by earth and blood, looking so torn apart, dirtied and terrified. His perfect face stained with a flame of maroon, dampening his raven hair and causing it to enhance the features of his face as it slicked smoothly around his cheek bones. The tips of his fingers bloodied and his nails dulled down, if not torn off altogether. He felt a repulsive feeling in the pit of his stomach, knowing that the raven had obviously tried dragging both of their tattered bodies through the pitch-black forest floor._

_He could feel the oxygen to his brain gradually being cut off, and his eyes were slowly but surely forcing him to fall back into that depth of slumber that you do not __**ever**__ wake from. He wanted so badly to say something to Craig - to say anything to let him know that he was there with him. But every time he opened his mouth, no sound emerged. He could feel hot tears rolling down his face and he couldn't take his eyes off of Craig - he didn't want to take his eyes off of Craig. This was it. The last time he would ever see him alive and he knew it. _

_Kenny would come back, but Craig would be gone forever._

_---_

No one else had ever really understood Kenny McCormick the way that Craig Tucker did. There was a damn good reason why they had been best friends to begin with. But even thinking his name now shot a bolt of pain straight through to Kenny's heart. Sure, he of course had his mother, his father and his friends, but no. They didn't understand Kenny. Not like… not like _he_ did…

People always wondered why Kenny McCormick was such a 'slut', why he was so promiscuous and why he would refuse to get into any emotional relationships with people. Being promiscuous allowed him to simply do and then forget. No strings attached.

Could no one actually _see_ that he would die and then fucking come _back?_ Why did everyone act as though nothing had even happened? Like it was something _normal._ Or did they just not care?

_He_ cared… And _he_ would always make it a point to constantly remind Kenny about it - about how Kenny would one day have to live without him if he couldn't find a way to beat this goddamn curse.

Was he selfish for wanting to die? When there were people out there who wanted so _badly_ to just live. People out there dying every single day. People begging for their lives, praying and wishing and crying and holding on to what little faith they had left to just fucking survive so that they could continue to breathe and be able to think. To know that they do in fact exist or that they even _mattered _in this fucked up world.

And then there was Kenny. Every single second of every single day wanting nothing more than to die, and to stay dead. So did that make him selfish? Possibly. Maybe if those people understood what it was like to die so many times that you've simply lost count. That nothing gruesome or scary or just downright terrifying even fazes you anymore. Being able to watch someone be killed in some of the most horrific ways possible and not even flinching. Kenny McCormick was not human. Or… was he human? He didn't know. He could feel human emotions. He could breathe, he could think, he could touch and… and he could love like a human. Yet why was he so _different_ at the same time?

Kenny didn't know if he believed in god, or at least he wasn't entirely sure about the possibility of there being such a thing as unforgiving and treacherous as god seemed to be. All he knew is that if there was a god, that the piece of shit could fucking rot for all he cared. Having to watch the people he cared about be taken away from him while he got to live on with the burden and the pain of the memories for fucking eternity. How was _that_ fair? What would it take for him to just _die_ already?

And most importantly; what did he even do to deserve something like this? Out of everyone on this planet, why _him?_ There were plenty of people out there who would want to live forever. To be able to test the limits and to be able to live life without the fear of dying. So why was he cursed or blessed with this… this _thing?_

This was one of those times where he desperately waited in limbo. Waited to come back to life so he could just do it all over again within a few days.

Kenny wasn't really sure what it was exactly that happened to him when he died. Everything was just one gigantic blur and he hardly ever remembered what happened. If Kenny had to describe the experience, it would be like being in a constant dark lucid dream that you couldn't awake from, with a kind of depersonalized feeling. Watching yourself act and do things, and feeling like you're only an onlooker. Except… intensified tenfold. Every time it happened to Kenny, he would come back, body and mind completely strained. He would vomit for hours, hugging himself and feeling feverish. It scared him shitless every single time it happened.

Why would anyone _want_ this? Or why would any _sane_ person want the ability to be guaranteed having to watch the people they loved or may eventually love die? Never being able to - or being afraid to get into any kind of a bond with another person.

He had always been good friends with Stan and Kyle, but even then, he made it a point to keep as unattached to them as humanly possible. Knowing that the day would come where they would eventually be taken away from him. There was no way he would be able to endure such a loss. So he just stayed away from any strong emotional relationships with either of them, or anyone for that matter.

That is until he became close with that one particular person who just happened to slide their way right through the protective barrier that Kenny had been keeping up all these years.

He knew this day would eventually come, though he hated thinking about it and was constantly in denial about it no matter how much _he_ would bring it up. Why now though? And why so _fucking_ young? He was only nineteen years old, and he had to be taken away now? _Why?!_

Nothing in his entire life had ever been so gut-wrenchingly painful where it brought him to the point of tears, pulled him down into depression and made him want to tear apart anything he could get his hands on. Why he had ever let his guard down for a person that he knew was doomed to eventual death was beyond him.

And all because Kenny had this _stupid fucking _idea to take his dads shitty car out for a goddamn joyride while being plastered. What the _fuck_ was he _thinking_?! Endangering Cr… _his_ life like that when he knew what the outcome would be if something went wrong. And something _did_ go wrong.

He hadn't even returned back to life yet and he already wanted to just fucking die again. He had no one now, and it was all _his_ fault. But… Maybe now he could just move on and deal with this fucking curse alone, and forget about him…

No… No, he couldn't. Not now. Not _ever_.

_Craig_ was practically his fucking _soul mate_. He didn't care if he seemed extremely gay or homo or faggish or whatever for thinking it. He knew how strongly he felt for Craig. And as much as he tried to deny it so that when something like _this_ happened, it wouldn't be as hard on him. But all this had done now is make him realize how much he needed and relied on and… and loved Craig. As a friend, as family, as comfort, as release, and as someone who he could just be himself with. Someone who fucking _got_ him. Who didn't ignore the fact that he fucking _died_ every other day. Someone who waited and counted down the nanoseconds until he would come back. And someone who would sit there for hours on end listening to Kenny try to explain it all, try to make sense of the horror he went through.

Kenny felt torn. He felt scared, pointless and guilty. He could feel himself starting to slip from limbo, going back to that life that he so ultimately dreaded - especially now.

What was he going to do… ?

---

Kenny's self-consciousness snapped back into effect. He could hear the gentle and constant cooing of a heart monitor next to him. His head felt light, dizzy, disoriented and he could feel himself subconsciously moving it side to side trying to get rid of the awkward feeling.

He slowly opened his eyes, having to use more effort than normal since his eyelids felt as though they had been glued together. After breaking the seal, he let his eyes flutter open, blinking them quite a few times as they adjusted to their surroundings. He was in… a hospital bed… ? This was new. Normally he would wake up in the spot he had died, still filthy and covered in dirt and blood, but body good as new and ready to go. And usually Craig would be right there waiting for him to wake up… But now…

Kenny choked back a painful sob at the thought, his throat burning and his mouth completely dry from the lack of any use for who the hell knows how long. He felt tears beginning to swell in his eyes, and he jerked his right hand, instinctively trying to move it up to wipe away the tears. He instantly yelped out in pain, darting his gaze down to his right arm and seeing it completely bandaged up.

He looked around the room, blinking back the wet blur surrounding his eyes and letting the salty liquid fall down his cheeks. He was indeed alone. Of course there was no one here. Who the fuck had ever even cared about him other than Craig?

_Craig…_

He held his breath tightly and clenched his jaw, more tears threatening their way through. He bit his bottom lip shut, trying to hold in the sobs and whimpers pushing their way up his throat. No such luck.

He opened his mouth, gasping for breath and letting out breathy chokes and sobs as big tears streamed down his cheeks. He wanted out of there. Why was he here? Why wasn't he fucking _dead_?!

"Craig…" he sobbed out the other's name, bottom lip quivering, eyes clenched shut and his heart racing uncomfortably against his rib cage. He felt a wave of panic wash over him, his body trembling with fear and uncertainty. What was he supposed to do without him?

"Kenny… ?" Kenny's eyes instantly startled open at the sound, his reddened eyes shifting towards the door. His breath and voice caught in his throat, and he was unable to speak.

"Are you okay, man? Why are you crying?" Craig walked up to the side of Kenny's hospital bed, eyebrows furrowed as his normally indifferent expression was wiped clean away and replaced with concern.

Kenny finally managed to swallow the shocked, dry lump in his throat. "I… I saw you…" he chocked out in a trembling voice. "You were- you were _dying_, Craig! I…" He closed his mouth, unsure of what else to say. His body was frozen in a cold tremble of shock and he was _still _crying, unable to move his body upwards to grasp onto Craig like he so desperately wanted to do.

Craig moved down and sat next to the blond on the bed, curling his arms delicately and carefully around Kenny's battered up neck and burying his face into it. "I wasn't the one that was dying, Kenny…"

Craig proceeded to tell the other teen how they had swerved off the road, crashing somewhere against a huge tree deep within a forest. The impact had caused several sharp, broken car parts to lodge themselves within Kenny, but Craig had somehow managed to walk away with only a few cuts and bruises, granted he had needed quite a few stitches.

Craig told him how he had managed to get a signal on his cell phone for a few split seconds and called 911. They had tracked down his cell phone and found them.

"You died on the hospital bed, and I had to beg them to keep you here so you wouldn't wake up in a fucking body bag or something." Craig draped a hand tiredly over his face. Kenny noted that he looked like he hadn't slept in days. "A couple of hours later, you showed signs of life again. So they kept you hooked up to life support. And you just happened to conveniently wake up when I left to go take a piss."

Craig laid down beside Kenny, intertwining his fingers with Kenny's left hand and nuzzling his face onto Kenny's shoulder.

"I could have just come back completely fine, you know," Kenny stated.

Craig looked up to him and nodded gently. "I know that. But I figured you'd want the real experience." Kenny looked down to the other, smiling weakly and kissing him on the forehead.

"You know me too fucking well, dude…"


End file.
